The Complete Buffy the Vampire Slayer in 10 pages
by CelticPride vs8
Summary: The complete arc of the Buffyverse in 10 pages or less.


_The Complete Buffy the Vampire Slayer in 1000 Words or Less_

Demons: This place rocks

Old African Guys: Sucks for us though. Hmmm …

Primitive: Grrrrr!

Demons: Yikes!

Primitive: Dies

Demons: Woohoo!

Old African Guys: Not so fast

Next Slayer: Grrrrr!

Demons: Crap …

Master: Wow, a hooker dying of syphilis (_Bites)_

Darla: Wow, a drunk Irishman_ (Bites)_

Angelus: Wow, a devout Christian girl. I think I'll drive her shithouse crazy (_Bites)_

Drusilla: Wow, a wimpy momma's boy (_Bites)_

Romanian Guys: Angelus, you suck (_curses)_

Angel: I so totally did suck (_eats rats for best part of century and broods_)

Powers that Be: This should be fun ...Kazowee!

Buffy: Huh? (_burns down gymnasium_)

Hellmouth: Come out, come out, wherever you are

Demons: You bet

Scoobies: Yikes!

Angel: She's hot and I have a case of pedophilia you WOULDN'T BELIEVE!

Buffy: He's hot! Except that his skin is cold and … Yikes!

Angel: I'm bad

Buffy: Yeah you were, but you're still totally hot so I forgive you

Xander, Willow and Giles: This isn't going to end well

Everyone: Nice Dress!

Master: I'm going to kill you Slayer (_kills Slayer)_

Buffy: (_gets better)_ I'm going to kill you Master! _(kills Master)_

Fans: Woohoo!

TV Critics: Hmmm, this might be okay

Spike: I'm badass, I've killed two Slayers, and Billy Idol should totally sue

Kendra: I have a bad Jamaican accent. (_leaves)_

Buffy: I'm 17

Angel: You're wet. Let's take off all of our clothes

Buffy: Sigh

Angel: Grunt

Buffy: Moan

Angelus: Finally!

Spike: Crap

Buffy: Crap

Jenny: Crap (_dies)_

Fans: What the $&! They killed Jenny!

Joss Whedon: _snickers_

Oz: Woof?

Angelus: I'm going to destroy the world

Kendra: Hey, me and my accent are back … Grack! (_dies)_

Buffy: No way!

Joyce: Wow, I really am retarded

Acathla: Yawn

Willow: Latin stuff

Angel: Buffy?

Sword: Howdy Angel!

Angel: Ouch!

Acathla: Well that was quick. (_stops yawning and sucks Angel into hell)_

Fans: But, but … Whedon you bastard!

Joss Whedon: _snickers_

Faith: Hey, check me out! I'm the bad Slayer cuz I smoke and have sex

Angel: Wow, hell really sucks

Buffy: I'm going to change my mind about relationships 26 times in the next 11 episodes

Xander and Willow: smoochies

Cordy and Oz: Boo

First Evil: I'm either going to make Angel on my side or slay him!

Snow: Too bad

Mayor Wilkins: Crazy kids. I guess I'll just eat lots of bugs and turn into a big snake

Xander: I do matter! _(Faith jumps him_)

Faith: Shit. I just killed that guy. (_shrugs)_ May as well be evil then.

Scoobies: This can't be good

Angel: I'm leaving Buffy. Mostly because the romance is getting tired after 3 seasons, but also because Joss wrote me a whole show to brood in

Buffy: _cries_

Faith: Oh yeah? (_shoots)_

Angel: Argg!

Buffy: Bitch! (_stabs Faith_)

Mayor Wilkins: Bitch! (_turns into big snake)_

Big stack o' dynamite: BOOM!

Willow: Wow, it sure is convenient that our town has a UC campus that offers every course we want

Buffy: Sure is, and man I'm going to pack all my college mistakes and wildness into two weeks (_has one night stand and gets drunk)_ Whew, glad I got that out of my system

Willow: Wow, you sure got your college wildness out fast. I wonder what I can do in college that's new and experimental?

Joss Whedon: _snickers_

Oz: Hey, that chick with the throaty voice sure is hot … Grrr

Veruca: Grrrrr (_dies)_

Oz: _leaves_

Willow: _cries_

Spike: Well I'm back since I have nothing better to do. Argg!

Initiative: Gotcha! _(surgery)_

Spike: Ow!

Riley: I'm apple pie and Midwest values personified. I'm the cure to any girl's bad-boy phase

Joss Whedon: I think I'll write an entire episode with no dialogue

Buffy Fans watching _Hush_ for the first time: Wow!

Emmy Awards: _Snubs_

Tara: I'm quirky and shy

Witchcraft: I'm a metaphor for lesbianism

Fans: Huh?

Adam: Grrrrr!

Everyone Else: Yikes!

Faith: I'm still bad and I'm well rested!

Willow: Yep, this "witchcraft" thing is totally for me

G.L.A.D.: Woohoo!

Male fans hoping for HLA: Woohoo!

WB Censors: Are you fucking kidding me? Dude, we show 7th Heaven and Felicity

Fans hoping for HLA: Booo!

Matrix Buffy: I'm the amalgamation of all of the Scoobies and Adam, you are FUCKED

Adam: Grack! (_dies)_

Joss Whedon: Look at me, I'm David Cronenberg!

Buffy fans watching _Restless_ for the first time: Huh?

Dawn: I'm Buffy's sister!

Fans: Humma wha ... ?

Joss Whedon: _snickers_

Buffy: I'm exploring the dark side of my gift

Dawn: I'm here to be annoying and confusing!

Riley: I'm tired of being Dudley Do-right personified (_goes to vamp glory-hole)_

Joyce: What's this pain in my head?

Spike: Dude, I am the biggest masochist EVER.

Glory: Where's my key? (_wreaks havoc_)

WB and FOX: We want more money! We want to pay less money!

Fans: Nooooo!

UPN: We have money. flashes lots of money

Fans: Woohoo!

Riley:_ leaves_

Fans: Woohoo!

Joyce: _dies_

Joss Whedon: _snicker_

Buffy fans seeing _The Body_ for the first time: Oh … my … god

Emmy Awards: _snubs_

Glory: I have my key!

Dawn: Crap

Buffy: Live, for me _(dies)_

Willow: Not so fast. I'm and uber witch now and I got mad skillz (_resurrects Buffy, pukes up snake_)

Buffy in Heaven: Huh? (_dragged out_)

Buffy on earth: Wow, does this suck. What can I do to show how utterly disgusted with myself and the world?

Spike: Ahem

Trio: We're evil, but not too evil.

Joss Whedon: You know, I think this would work better with some … Jazz Hands!

Buffy fans watching _Once More, With Feeling_ for the first time: Holy Shit!

Emmy Awards: _snubs_

Tara: I'm leaving you

Fans: No!

Witchcraft: When did I stop being a metaphor for lesbianism and become a metaphor for drugs?

Buffy: Spike, you disgust me (_jumps_)

Spike: moan

Buffy: squeak

Spike: grunt

Zipper: Unzip

House: _caves in_

Joss Whedon: Children, leave the room now please

Xander: Anya, I love you but I still carry a torch for Buffy that burns hotter than the surface of the sun

Anya: Grrrr

Buffy fans watching _Normal Again_ for the first time: Whedon, you bastard!

Joss Whedon: Wait for it …

Buffy fans watching _Seeing Red_ for the first time: Amber Benson is in the opening credits! Yay! We love Tara and ….. WHEDON YOU BASTARD!

Joss Whedon: _snickers_

Dark Willow: Grrrrrr!

Trio:_ hides_

Dark Willow: _flays_

Xander: _Tells story about crayons_

Willow: _cries_

Buffy: I'm giving lectures on nature of power

New Sunnydale High School: Grrrrrr!

Girl running around in Europe we've never seen: Grack! (_dies)_

Bringers: Woohoo!

Spike: I have a soul now and I'm shithouse crazy in the basement

Willow: I'm recovered now and have a new found respect for power

Anya: Vengeance sucks

Halfrek: Grack! (_dies)_

Spike: I'm killing people and don't even know I'm doing it

First Evil: I'm made up of all the evil in the world and my master plan involves … making a vampire evil? Uh …..

Watcher's Council: We know what we're doing

Big Ass Explosion: Sure you do ...BOOM!

Giles: Look what I found. (_brings home teenage girls)_

Kennedy: I'm overtly gay and I'm going to be a device to show that Willow really is gay and wasn't going through a phase

Witchcraft: Wasn't I supposed to be that? Oh yeah, the drugs thing. What am I a metaphor for this time?

Andrew: Xander stopped being funny around season 5 so they brought me in

Ubervamp: Grrrr!

Lord of the Rings fans: Hmmm, this guy looks really familiar …

Scoobies: Ack!

Ubervamp: _dies_

Robin Wood: My mom was a Slayer that Spike killed gets ass kicked by same vampire

Caleb: Grrrr!

Scoobies: Ack!

Caleb: _pokes_

Xander: Ow!

Buffy: We should fight him again

Everyone else: Are you fucking nuts? Get lost

Buffy: _leaves_

Everyone else: Lets all have crazy 'world is ending' sex. (_slurp, moan, grunt_)

Joss Whedon: Seriously, children really need to leave the room now

Buffy and Spike: _snuggles_

Buffy: Thanks for the convenient axe thing

Angel: Hi

Caleb: Grack! (_dies)_

Angel: Well here's the convenient necklace thing. Bye (_leaves)_

Buffy: Let's totally ignore everything I said all year about power and responsibility and just suddenly imbue girls all over the world with superpowers with absolutely no explanation as to why they can suddenly bench press Hondas.

Everyone else: Sounds great! (_Big fight with lots of baddies, an ancient weapon, a magical piece of jewelry and a white wizard)_

Lord of the Rings fans: I could swear I've seen this somewhere before …

Spike: This can't be good (_catches fire)_

Buffy: I love you

Sunnydale: _sinks_

The End


End file.
